In a world that is hungering for connection, support and loving community, parishes can be great places to meet that need. We pray for one another, check in, get updates and ask folks where they have been when we haven’t seen them for awhile.
As a result, churches are not always the most private places. Word gets out along with the concern and the care.
Often in parish-sponsored conversations we set guidelines that people’s personal information or stories will not leave the room. We can agree to share insights we gained from an experience, but not share people’s personal stories without their permission. A lot of stories get told at church. It’s a good rule to have.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately as we fine-tune our new Pastoral Care Team. Part of its function is to keep me abreast of parishioners’ pastoral needs, so I can reach out with a visit or a call if someone is struggling. We also consider if there are other supports that people need. Does someone need a card to cheer them up? Has there been a recent death in a family and a need for grief support? Is there a parishioner who needs a ride to a doctor’s appointment? Are there people whom we haven’t heard from for awhile and need to check up on?
These kinds of needs can be addressed by various members of our Pastoral Care Team. In our conversations we have a commitment to keeping needs confidential within our group, and to checking to make sure we have permission from people to respond. Team member Kristina Marchuk, in her new capacity as parish nurse, has been creating additional protocols for us to follow and agreements for us to sign to make sure we know the process and stick to it. Her certification as a parish nurse requires documentation, permissions and consent, and she is passing many of those practices on to us in our capacity as responders. They exist because they keep everyone a bit safer.
We’ve just recently added a new facet to our Pastoral Care Team – a short-term care group. Sometimes parishioners need support with really personal things that only a few people should know about. This process ensures that someone receiving care knows and gives consent on who will be providing care and how. It also keeps the group small and the information close, and tightens the circle of confidentiality. This kind of group might be helpful if someone has a variety of needs to sort through but doesn’t want to cast a wide net to meet them. The short-term care group can help figure out what kinds of help are available and how to connect to it. To receive this kind of support, contact myself (stpeter654rector@gmail.com) or Kristina Marchuk, kmarchuk923@gmail.com.
A small group like this isn’t the only source of care that someone might have, as the person receiving care has full control over whom they reach out to for support, or whom they share their story with. But it does provide a process, documentation and protection for someone receiving that level of care from a St. Peter’s ministry.
This is important because confidentiality is also among the gifts that members of a faith community can offer one another. We can practice this in our every-day interactions. Do I have your permission to put your name on the prayer list or have others pray for you? Is it ok if I tell Rev. Barb that you or your family member is in the hospital? Can I have Stephanie Gill give you a call about the grief group?
Sometimes we will learn things that are not meant for public consumption, or that we aren’t really supposed to know. Keeping that kind of information sacred can be an important gift that we give another, even when our inclination is to get help or fix something that looks broken to us.
There are a few exceptions. In caring professions such as counseling we often tell people that the only thing we will not keep in confidence is information that affects a client’s immediate safety or the safety of others. Those of us who work with minors are mandated to report instances of abuse or danger to the proper authorities.
But overall, keeping confidences is a sign of a healthy and supportive community. Our practice of personal prayer– telling God the worries, concerns and cares for others that we carry– can help us carry confidences with confidence, if you will, and with the love that lightens hearts.
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